I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
