a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
