i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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