I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?