my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need a beard to bite.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am