Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?