My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.