Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
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The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice