I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.