I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo