this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
