Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
