Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your penis caused this!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize