I think I died a long time ago.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There r osticjed everywhere
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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