Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
