I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
