There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
