just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
