that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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