On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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