You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
