it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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