He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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