I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
