I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
