im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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