Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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