Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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