Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize