i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
