How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
