i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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