Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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