here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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