I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
