I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Acid is not a monday night drug
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
