I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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