i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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