Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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