I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
