I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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