I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize