guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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