I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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