I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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