That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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