I can't watch pbs sober anymore
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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