this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
