Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i think im in europe. pls send help
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
