you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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