am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
