I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
