i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Enjoy the penises
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
