please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
