i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
