It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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