She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
