a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
