I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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