Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well you can't waste a boner
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
