Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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