Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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