you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
