Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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