i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
