Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
