matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
