No stitches, just platelets and will power
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
